


you are (were) my sunshine

by funkylittlecowboy



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Oneshot, sorry guys dont hate me i love yall, tw: anxiety attacks, tw: death of a loved one, tw: mourning and loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 14:42:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16307135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funkylittlecowboy/pseuds/funkylittlecowboy
Summary: hanzo shimada and his boyfriend jesse mccree have a really nice day. at least, until hanzo's brother genji arrives with some bad news.





	you are (were) my sunshine

the sunlight drifted in through the window, in between the blinds and into hanzo’s eyes. the man blinked awake slowly, tightening his hold on the man sleeping next to him. jesse always slept in late, so perhaps hanzo would make breakfast for them both today.

he arose from the bed, slipping on some slippers shaped like little blue dragons. jesse had given them to him for their one month anniversary, and sure, they were a little silly but they were so soft. no one on base dared make fun of them.

hanzo ended up making bacon and scrambled eggs, mccree’s with cheese and a little salt, just how he liked them. he set their plates down on the table, and walked back to their bed to fetch his boyfriend. one corner of his mouth quirked up into a gentle smile as he shook mccree’s shoulder to wake him. “come on, your breakfast is ready now.” hanzo said to the lump of blankets. “mnmfngmfng” said the lump, before sitting up to reveal jesse sitting there. he was bleary eyed but still attempting to smile despite his tiredness. “thank ya honey.” he said drowsily. hanzo smiled, nodded, and turned to walk back out of the room, hand in mccree’s. when they sat down at the table, they were both still in their pajamas. hanzo was still somehow amused at how silly mccree looked in his choo-choo train pants. the sun was still rising as they ate, and hanzo thought the lighting made jesse look incredible. the golden lighting highlighted his features nicely. his freckles stood out against the rest of his sun kissed skin, and the knot in his crooked nose from how many times it had been broken stood out noticeably. hanzo thought it was gorgeous.

they finished their food and went about their day, visiting the training range, walking around base, hand in hand. they shared small jokes in hushed tones to one another and snickered to themselves like little kids. the only thing that could damper hanzo’s good mood was the sad look everyone, especially his brother genji, kept looking at him with when they thought he wouldn’t notice. it confused him, what could possibly be making them sad on such a nice day? nothing has happened, as far as he knew. no matter, he was busy having fun with his boyfriend anyway. if there was something important that happened, he was sure they would tell him eventually. 

a few more hours passed, filled with laughter, casual affectionate touches, hugging, and all that other sappy stuff. hanzo even made them chocolate covered strawberries at one point. they were watching a movie, some silly rom-com about a dog leading a couple to one another, when two sharp knocks at the door came. hanzo turned the the volume was turned down on the tv. he stifled his remaining laughter and stood as brushed his sweatpants off to answer the door. he swung it open, good mood faltering slightly. there stood genji, adorned in green joggers and a black fitted turtle neck, with a solemn yet determined look on his face. 

“genji? what are you doing here?” hanzo asked. genji’s frown deepened slightly. “greetings, hanzo. would you mind coming with me to talk in private for a while?” hanzo looked back at mccree, who was on the couch with his head inclined to show his confusion. 

“sure, one moment. jesse, i’ll be back in a little bit.” hanzo announced. as genji drew hanzo away from his room, the pit in his stomach sank a little bit deeper. why was genji looking at him so strangely? maybe this was about whatever bad news everyone was so mopey about earlier. suddenly that nervousness in his gut twisted.

genji led him into an empty room on base, one that hadn’t been used much since the time he had been here. he sat hanzo down, took a deep breath, and prepared himself to speak. “brother, this is an intervention.” he said. hanzo tilted his head, asking silently for an explanation. for what was he intervening? 

“this is going to be hard to hear, and i know i should probably be making you talk to angela right now instead of me, but we need to talk. about mccree.” genji said.

“what could you possibly mean? me and him have been together for years now, surely you can’t be trying to make us break up.” hanzo stated, but delivered it more like a question. 

genji sighed wearily. “no, aniki, mccree isn’t here anymore. do you not remember still? i thought after a year of processing, your mourning stage would have passed by now.”

shock settled like a rock in hanzo’s stomach. mourning? not here? what the hell?  
“what?” hanzo asked. “mourning? what are you talking about?”

“mccree passed away almost a year ago now, aniki.” genji spoke to hanzo like he was a spooked stray cat, trying to make sure he stayed calm.

hanzo was suddenly, without warning, thrown into some sort of flashback. what was happening? where was he?

it was raining, memories were coming back so fast he was getting whiplash. mccree had not had a proper funeral. his body had never been recovered, just a few of his belongings were here. 

the closest anyone could get to his body for burial was his peacekeeper and his hat. both looked empty and… kind of sad when not on the cowboy’s person. hanzo scoffed sadly as the other members set roses on top of mccree’s casket. daisies were his favorite flower. roses always had made him sad, he thought spitefully. at least they bothered to bury him beside reyes, the man who had basically raised him.

hanzo looked at the picture they were displaying beside his pre-dug grave. he remembered that day. they had gone to the park that had been beside their headquarters in some country in europe. jesse always hated that picture, he said he looked like a ‘mangy dog’ with his wild fluffy head of hair. hanzo thought it made him look roguish and handsome, not that he had ever said that to jesse aloud.

now he wished that he had. desperately, hanzo thought about how emotionless and cold he had been, how many chances hanzo had to say ‘i love you’ before it was too late. his throat closed up thinking about it, and as he began to become unable to breathe he thought to himself he must have been choking on all of the words he had kept to himself when jesse was still alive.

arms, cold and hard, wrapped around him, keeping him steady as he began to tip over. why had he been so stubborn? too embarrassed to tell mccree he was beautiful in that blue serape, that he was actually a very good aim, that he was proud of him and loved him and treasured him and-

suddenly hanzo felt the sticky, warm, wetness on his cheeks and realized he was crying. genji was shushing him, whispering “it’s not your fault”s and “it’s okay, aniki”s.

violently hanzo was ripped back from that memory, panting, staring at his brother in front of him. he had so many questions, now.

genji was as close to mccree as he had been, being best friends since blackwatch and helping each other through their hardships, why wasn’t he also as mournful as hanzo? if jesse really was… gone why could he still see and interact with him?

hanzo guessed he had said this aloud, since genji answered him moments later. “we all have different ways of dealing with grief. i am in no way over mccree’s parting, but i don’t express it like how others may.” genji provided.

“and i am sure you can figure out that last part for yourself, aniki.” he finished off.

hanzo realized with a jolt and somewhat embarrassment that he had been playing house with his pillow most of this time. 

his breakfast for mccree still sat untouched on the coffee table, his lump under the blankets had been his wolf plush jesse had won him at a carnival, he had been giggling with his pillow around base all day…

hanzo realized that now his world was just a little bit dimmer, too. his imagination had provided the same color jesse had always touched his surroundings with, the same light from his smile that lit up the room. now that was gone, and things were back to being washed out and... dull. 

no more jingling spurs, the smell of cigar wafting in from the patio, the sound of a cheesy western film playing in the background of one of their cuddle sessions, no more warmth from the hugs he gave, no more… anything.

something sparked within him, feeling warm suddenly. an anger toward himself. he should’ve done something, anything, to keep him off of that mission. jesse had been weary about it in the first place, he should have worried more, trusted his boyfriend’s intuition better, done something to take him off of the team as soon as he had said something. this was all hanzo’s fault. why did he have to be so bad with emotions? why couldn’t he have tried to understand more? this was so stupid of him. this was all his fault. this was all his fault. this was all his fault, his fault, all his fault, all his fault all his fau l a ll hi s f a lt al h s fa lt a l h s f a u l tt all his fault ALL HIS-

genji pulled hanzo out of his stupor with a firm hand on his shoulder. hanzo startled, looking into his brother’s face plate. “you should talk to angela later. please, just remember that nothing you could’ve said would have made anything different. i love you, okay aniki? i will schedule an appointment with zenyatta for coping and grief meditation as well as a mental health visit with angela.” 

and with that, genji left. hanzo sat in that room a while longer, thinking about where to go from here. 

and the next morning, shimada hanzo was found dead, 47 feet below his bedroom's balcony.


End file.
